I call him Mr. Chaste. He is three years younger to me, bulky (a perfect size and plumpness to make a huge teddy bear), with a smile so cute that I forget he does not possess a six pack, and of course lots of care for me. He was the one who was attracted towards me first. He confessed!!!
He used to notice me get in our office bus, looking around with curiosity of a child; talking with everybody on the way as I progressed towards my regular last seat; initially it was just for the convenience of getting a full seat to enjoy my 45 minutes nap on my way to work. In the evening I would play cards with my friends in the bus (most of them much older to me), play radio-on-demand for them and laugh real loud at the silliest possible reason.
He found my these qualities too intriguing. He could see I was a people's person; someone who had everybody as a friend; someone who could cheer up anyone; someone too jolly to be in a place so gloomy and dull with exhausted faces and tired breaths, after nine hours of grind in an IT company. But he didn’t know people wear masks. I too wore one. He is too simple to understand the complexities of human nature; and anyway I am too good actor. There are days when I can not contain my sadness inside and it starts peaking through my eyes. At such instances this 45+ minutes of bus ride back home is very helpful. I surround myself with so many people that my thoughts get lost in the crowd of voices around me, else the traditional phone-a-friend method always works. I prefer to talk to get over things.
So, he was smitten by the face rather phase I showed. A lot of which is even true. I am a jolly person, usually, but the lacuna inside me does not allow any other happiness to replace the missing part. I guess happiness also comes in sizes, or may be for some it is custom made. How much ever hard you try, the result is unsatisfactory. It just doesn’t fit in or fill in.
Things were ok, while I dealt with back-to-back heartaches, distracting myself with the presence of these happy faced people, who may be are on the same boat as I am. Just distracting themselves!!!
Well, its not that he was the only one who noticed me. He doesn’t know this but I too noticed him. He IS cute… you can’t miss that if you are a connoisseur at observing guys. Though what I always found confusing was his reluctance to interact with others. Occupying the corner seat he always seemed to have his guards up. Not that it bothered me; I had too many other things to ponder over.
I have no idea how we became friends. I guess it was some casual invitation to the bus trip that I extended to him!! He didn’t accept obviously, but that was the first interaction I believe. OR, may be not. The first interaction would be when I offered him some sweets, announcing my engagement!!! Yeah, I have gone through that as well. He still chuckles when he remembers how it broke his heart in one way.
So, the bottom-line is I don’t remember how we became friends. Some days I had to extend my shifts, and I would find him in the last bus back. But it wasn’t him alone. There were two of them, both younger to me, full of life. Not like usual poker faces all around me. It was so much easier to talk to them, their faces would give away their emotions and they were open to share stuff.
Chaste was still more reserved but the other one, Mr. Genuine, was quite frank with me. I remember that one particular bus ride when each of them sat on the either side of me, chewing my brains with their impish non-sense. But all that made perfect sense for me. Not even once I showed the discomfort any other girl would have exhibited; and I didn’t even have to struggle with it. I guess that is the guy in me that keeps my reasoning composed during such guy talk. I don’t react overmuch unless it’s gets derogatory or threatening to my dignity. I know where to draw that LINE.
There are few hazards of being a perfect Libran (my zodiac sign). Though I enjoy the attention I receive because of the natural charm I ooze; I hate the balance of male and female characteristics my character maintains. I can not be only woman mentally. This is one reason guys find me repulsive in a relationship, because I am so much like them mentally… *hmmph*.
But these kids (as I called them) enjoyed it. For me it was just another distraction. It made it better, handling the heartbreak I was going through. My laughter was loud enough for them to hear and relate to, but too hollow for me to feel. Nevertheless, it was comforting in a manner I am not too familiar with guys, in a… friendly manner.
I used to discuss about these kids with a common friend (girl for a change), Ms. Tradition. Tradition has a thinking that doesn’t match the way I think, though it would match with that of 80% girls who are around us. I didn’t even like her interpretation of these two guys- immature, irresponsible. She could hear what they said but couldn’t read anything else. Her understanding of these two guys came from a very shallow observation but I believed there is more to them than their stupid fantasies, in fact there was a deep sincerity in them even.
You may think I am gullible, but I feel the only way to make someone trustworthy is to trust them. So, I trusted these two perfect strangers and before I even realized they were sharing a lot of stuff about them with me and vice versa. I would also lecture them on life as I perceived it, this would mostly amuse them, and sometimes they would be flattered. All in all life was good distraction from my pain.
Then I sat with Chaste a few times more than with Genuine due to space constrain in the bus. He would easily offer me his window seat and squeezing into that little space with him never felt uncomfortable. So, one thing was already there between us, the COMFORT, a lot of it. He wouldn't let me have my 45 minutes nap in the morning and surprisingly it never annoyed me.
I was totally unaware how he was slowly gaining some place in my life, how he was proceeding towards becoming my Companion cube!!!
