Ahh… the pernicious lacuna… but I guess its OK. Well, I don’t like it. This hollow feeling inside. There is no pain just emptiness. I am reading the Twilight series now, done with Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse; and reading Breaking Dawn currently. I am living in the same world in which Bella resides. The only difference is my vampires and werewolves are so very human, in fact only mental-monsters.
I identify this hollowness inside me. It is the same 'hole' Bella felt in New Moon. I can understand it very well now, the urge to hold herself in order to avoid sinking into her own emptiness. I can feel it. I am breaking down, and I cannot do anything about it. I am trying to hold myself, as she had tried but it just doesn’t help.
I guess there are only two ways out of it i- I fill this hole soon, before it become so big that I collapse into it; ii- I let this hollowness replace every single emotion that I have. I can not explain the urge inside me to trade all these emotions, dreams, my heart, everything with something so hard, so cold, something like stone; which is impenetrable, something that doesn’t understand emotions and cannot be hurt. I wish I could become a monster, may be a….a Vampire.
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